“All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others.” — George Orwell, Animal Farm
Throughout time, a prevalent question within the ever-persistent small talk between people has been regarding one’s favorite pet. Although there are many potential answers, the predominant choice comes down to dogs and cats. While there is a lot of debate on this topic, the main argument from the radical dog party is that they are “Man’s Best Friend.” But all this time, the wrong questions were being asked; does it matter if dogs are man’s best friend if they are not treated the same as their feline counterparts?
Dogs do have their redeeming qualities to offset their otherwise alarming risks such as potentially mauling their owners and eating things larger than their heads. Primarily, these traits include being great magnets for attention in public, working for the always correct and never flawed police, and also being remarkably diverse in terms of shape and size. The most infamous redeeming quality is their loyalty to their owners, regardless of how they are treated. While in humans, this is considered unhealthy behavior, it is ideal to have it as the main trait for the species to have considering that their regular outbursts would otherwise come off as a sign from a vengeful God attempting to get justice for the aberration of nature that is known as the pug, instead of being seen as endearingly energetic fits of a playful partner.
Cats, on the other (better) hand, are mainly known by their detractors for their aloof attitudes, isolation-prone nature, and skittish behavior during the late hours of the night. Despite the fact that there are nearly no downsides to this for the average cat owner, as they have already passed the stage of enlightenment, allowing them to deal with these “cons”, they also have many more neutral and positive points compared to the savage canine.
- Firstly, cats are less likely to maul and rearrange the faces of people around them.
- Secondly, cats are much less genetically quasimodo-esque, with variation between breeds primarily being in less morally questionable areas such as their faces, leg length, and fur length. Typically, only one aspect is noticeably changed compared to the average cat.
- Lastly, cats handle fame much better than dogs, having many prominent names on the scene such as Uncle Bao, Sister Mei Mei, Shark (otherwise known as Soggy Cat), Uni, and (the objectively Michael-Jackson level famous) Keyboard Cat.
While it is now widely acknowledged that most ancient civilizations had limited understanding of their surroundings at any given time, it is generally agreed that the Egyptians were exceptionally intelligent, with new discoveries about their constructions still being made to this day. Besides their mind-boggling construction of the pyramids, they are also known for their reverence towards cats and much-earned respect towards the creature at the pinnacle of evolution. Though felines were scarcely actually worshipped on the same levels as Gods in Egypt, they were adored similarly around the globe, especially in Asia. While cats were originally brought to the continent to control the infestation of rats, they were kept afterwards, as their owners had become attached to the benevolent felines. This praise of cats was mainly preserved through diary entries and poems, as the creation of cat videos was still over a thousand years away.
The last possible category of competition between cats and dogs is their respective contributions to humanity. While canines are believed to have helped the early humans with hunting animals due to their almost unrivaled sense of smell for a mammal species, cats hardly have feats as big as this. The only notable thing cats have done is eat rats throughout the entirety of the time the rodents spent plaguing humans, which is unfortunately something still going on to this day, which is arguably a reason that maybe the rat is the best animal. However, as rodents are susceptible to being eaten by anything with a mouth, cats are often not given the credit of definitely assisting in ending many instances of pestilence. As well as this, cats also have strange powers by way of toxoplasmosis and radar-esque whiskers. In one last, dog-favorable note, dogs are much less prone to catnip addictions after becoming famous, as they rarely become famous at all.
Side Notes
- Though horses are definitely superior to dogs in terms of the accomplishments they’ve allowed man to reach, they are seldom considered the closest ally of humans due to their objectively scary bodies.
- The pinnacle of evolution is crabs. All of them.
- The last really famous dog was “Doge”, which was over a decade ago and was ruined by people on the internet.
Poems of Cats
https://www.openculture.com/2020/09/in-1183-a-chinese-poet-describes-being-domesticated-by-his-own-cats.html
Cats vs Dogs attacking people
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4558873/#:~:text=Animal%20bites%20are%20%20common.,common%20(6%E2%80%93%2010).
